By: Dannika Dark
Keystone at a Glance
- Overall Rating: ★★★
- Heroine: Trademarking the leg grip for women’s wrestling
- Dude: A toddler’s attitude in a sexy pirate’s body with serial killer tendencies
- Steaminess: The only steam in this one is from the showers
- Brutality: Torture by branding
Pairs Well With
- Double shot vodka
- 1 oz blue curacao
- 1 oz orange juice
- 1 oz lemonade
Beware. Spoilers are coming…
Ok, so I know that plenty of people like a good slow burn romance. I am not one of them. This book was torture and not in a good way. When two dark and twisty people are all into each other like Raven and Christian, I need something to happen. I’m dying of frustration here people.
They had one great quote that basically sums up the relationship in this one:
“Move it along, Kevin. We don’t have all day.”
First of all, Raven is an idiot. Yes, she is hilarious and loves fried food like the rest of us brilliant people, but she just has to fight everyone to her own detriment. Maybe just shut your trap and listen to someone for once in your life girl. Also, her need to con people out of food instead of just getting a job blew my mind. I am still not sure why she couldn’t just work a regular job. None of that was ever explained. Still, my girl had some great one-liners.
“I’m going to impale you in a way that will give you the very best idea of what it feels like to be a corn dog.”
Christian, Christian, Christian. I heard hot Irish guy and my good sir you have failed me. There is a difference between lumberjack and homeless man. He was pretty funny a few times though… I love a cocky jerk.
“I’m O positive. I’m everyone’s type.”
However, I really could have done without this one…
“Gird your loins, men. We’re going into battle.”
Legit that is the least sexy thing a man has ever said. I’m done Christian. I just can’t.
The real winner in this book for me was Wyatt. Spooky is my type of guy and I will keep reading this series if I can have more of him. He is hot and wears a beanie like a pro so he is obviously for me. Raven can keep her sociopath vampire, I want the one who talks to dead people.
Plus, the man was funny as hell!
“Look, he likes you. Little does he know you eat wishes and dreams for breakfast.”
“If that man were a sock, he’d be the one that goes missing.”
Yep, I’m all in on Wyatt.
The plot itself was not great. There were lots of holes that I assume are to be explained in the future books, which are out now. I hope so because we still don’t know a lot about them.
And after all of that, I still don’t know what a Chitah is…
“’What motivates you?’
(Same, girl, same) The first 30% of Keystone was amazeballs, because we get Raven Black the hilariously witty and brutal heroine who goes around hustling french fries and onion rings from men in bars. Girls got her priorities straight. Raven’s witty banter and one-liners had me feeling serious Buffy the Vampire Slayer feels and I was cool with it.
“I approach battle like sex.”
Then we meet Christian, the sexy vampire, and get hilarious hate flirting between him and Raven that had me dying of laughter. But this sexy vampire turns out to have the attitude of a toddler who can’t play nicely with others. His tendency to throw a toddler sized fit when he didn’t get his way and the fact that he carries a chip the size of Stonehenge on his shoulder killed my love for him. And he throws Raven to the wolves and causes her to nearly die & lets her get kicked out of the club for it. The unnecessary tension between these two felt like I was back in high school. *barf*
And the only piece of romance in this book is that Christian calls Raven “precious.” Why you ask? Because apparently Raven was as crazy as Gollum when she ate onion rings (who isn’t though?!). So the whole freaking book he’s been calling her Gollum! HOW ROMANTIC! *swoon*
“You’re not official yet. Until you’ve gone through our tests, you can’t sit with us. Those are the rules.”
The last 70% of the book was disappointing. Raven is invited to basically initiate into a paranormal Mean Girls club of fellow assassins. I could barely keep up with the antics of these mean girls and whether or not Viktor (aka Regina George) would let Raven join their clique. And instead of a burn book these betches wipe your memory if you don’t pass their inane “tests. Where’s Tina Fey and Tim Meadows when you need them?
By the end even Raven annoyed me. She was so desperate for a home (and not having to sleep in dumpsters) and to belong that she agrees to join their stupid society despite how douche-y they were. Not cool. Stand up for yourself, girl.
I also could not take the villain in this story seriously. I mean he only drinks imported water and wears a fedora? I’m quaking in my boots! Plus, he was stupid. What kind of idiot releases a prisoner, only has four guards, and doesn’t expect she’s going to come back and kick ass? Dude was D-U-M-B.
Let us know what you thought about Keystone in the comments!